Push That Button

This is an open letter to my kids.

I wrote the poem below shortly after Mackenzie was born.  During my pregnancy, my life was full of turmoil and strife.  Being pregnant, I felt emotional, weakened, and victimized because of it.  I thought pregnancy was supposed to be 9 months of glowing bliss and crocheting baby booties.  It wasn't supposed to be complicated, painful, and vicious.  But I realized I was stronger than I ever thought possible.  I found my strength lurking in the dark parts of my soul.  Parts that only God and the gaze of your child can bring out.

So I write this to you, Mackenzie and Liam, for the times that this world hurts you (because it will), when you are wounded, or when you feel like everything is too much to handle. You see, these are the times that you discover just how strong you really are.  There is strength inside of you and with God.  He walks with you, cries with you, hurts with you.  He feels your pain and it saddens him.  Which is why He has a reservoir of strength just waiting for you to tap in to.  All you have to do is ask Him.  Between yourself and God, you are stronger than this world.  Imagine you are a super hero,  and you have a button that can activate your super strength.  Do that.  Push that button.  Then turn around and face this world head on, because you are stronger than anything it can throw at you.  I love you both.

Hello to High and Dry

I wasn't myself for a while, I went away. I needed to step outside and tend to a little seed that was planted. Life doesn't allow you a smoke break though. While I was outside in unfamiliar territory, Life came at me. It came even as I looked the other way and was giving everything I had to this little seed. I crumbled under the onslaught of emotions. My knees gave in and I fell hard. But I wasn't myself for a while.

Life is knocking on my door again, but this time I am here and the light is on. I am not crumbling under the weight of disappointment or defeat. I am standing tall. And the little seed planted so long ago is now a beautiful flower. Life can come at me from any direction, I have been reunited with the person I once knew myself to be. That person surprises even herself at the reservoir of strength found in her soul. The playing field has been leveled. I am myself again.